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03 October 2008 @ 10:39 pm
Fic: Surrender  
Title: Surrender
Author: ruyu 
Pairing: PG-13
Warnings: Angst, OOC
Summary: It was raingin, he though sadly. Hadn't he tried so hard before to make it stop raining?
Disclaimer: Tite Kubo Owns ALL. I make no money.

A/N: Part 4 of my Songfic Series. Beta'd by the lovely axaroffle !!! *hugs and kisses* Lyrics by Frou Frou from Psychobabble.

*Previous Chapters can be found here.

He could barely tell what was happening around him. The world was difficult to hear over the searing pain in his mind. Hichigo had vanished a few moments before and Ichigo was left with a horrible feeling in his gut and a mind-wrenching headache. He felt a cool trickle of something down his cheek and as he wiped it away he realized with horror that it was black. His vision was interrupted by a creeping blur across his eyes. His heart rate doubled as he recognized the signs of Hichigo’s takeover of his mind. Without thought he took off from the park and headed as far away from the busy streets as possible. His vision blackened with each passing moment, and he screamed inside his head for Hichigo to stop and let him go.

This could not happen, not here, with so many people: people he knew. He drew closer to the bank of the river as his body shook with the force of Hichigo’s mental assault. It had never happened this way before. Ichigo was usually at the brink of death when he took over, but he had been wholly unprepared for this. The harsh intrusion made his heart ache and his black tears fall faster down his face. What had happened? What had he done to make his hollow change so suddenly?

“Stop!” he sobbed shamelessly, but apparently no one was listening, not even Hichigo. He stumbled his way underneath the bridge and his knees finally gave out. He didn’t remember hitting the ground before he found himself gazing upon a most unwelcome sight: his soaring cityscape and unusually stormy skies. His black tears were replaced by rain from his inner world. His clothes grew heavy with water and his hair flattened against his head. So this was what it was like when it rained inside his mind. The rain felt different from the rain in reality. This water held all the sorrow and hatred of a single person within each tiny droplet and Ichigo felt each drip as though it were a stone. But it was not his emotions that filled the sky…but instead Hichigo’s.

“Your body is fine, you’re just sleeping. But now do you understand?” A deep, gentle voice said from beside him. Ichigo, relieved to hear about his body, turned his head to find Zangetsu beside him - his cape not longer swirling, but limp and unmoving from the rain.

“Understand what?” Ichigo replied. He didn’t understand many things right then.
“Why I wish it to never rain here…the rain can be so heavy sometimes. Can’t you feel it? His small heart is breaking - he only just found it.” He explained.

“Hichigo…has a heart?” He said in a surprised voice. He didn’t know that hollows could have hearts. “Of course…you gave it to him.”


Don’t come any closer
‘Cause I don’t know how long I can hold my heart in two

He had never hurt this badly before. No wound had ever been deep or long enough to cause this much pain. He welcomed physical pain with open arms, but this...feeling inside him was most definitely not physical. While he was with Ichigo, the sheer intensity of the pain or whatever it was had been horrible. It had bubbled up so fast it had made his head spin. The ache was deep inside his chest and radiated outward like a million tiny blades. He had vanished back to Ichigo’s inner world in search of some kind of relief - but none was to be found.
It was raining, he thought sadly. Hadn’t he tried so hard before to make it stop raining? The comfort and affection he attempted to give to Ichigo had been enough to stop the boy’s inner turmoil, but he knew the rain that fell on him could not be stopped by anything he himself did. The city was a blur of rain and a horrid shade of gray that should never been seen in a world such as this. But this was where he was meant to be; a lonely metropolis of glass and sharp lines that never seemed to end.

A pitiful shape hugged itself tighter in the midst of the storm and a harsh scowl grew on its pale face.

Ichigo shivered in his wet clothes and felt horribly guilty as he watched Zangetsu glance helplessly across the buildings that surrounded them. He felt the rain slide down his nose and hang before dropping onto the glass of his buildings.
Questions swirled through his head as he replayed the last hour in his mind trying to discover the trigger that had set Hichigo off. He had seen Orihime that morning and asked her to heal him. They had gone to the local park by the school when they were finished and just sat together. They hadn’t said much to each other but as he looked back on what was said - everything blurred. What had Hichigo said to him? He closed his eyes against the rain and focused on Hichigo’s face and his lips…what did he say?

A rush of images ran through his mind’s eye: pale skin, a deceptive mouth that was sharp and smooth all at once, unfocused yellow eyes, graceful hands that wrapped around his body. Ichigo’s breathing slowed as he moved over his hollow’s features in his head…memorizing every inch…again. The park scene played again and he remembered the frown that had been on Hichigo’s face – fingers clawing at his scalp…lips moving…

 I don’t like…her. I don’t like…Orihime.

Hichigo didn’t like her. The conversation came back in a flurry of words…

…complaining…didn’t you notice…she touched you…you don’t like anyone…she’s staring…

I really don’t like her.

None of it made any sense to Ichigo. His hollow didn’t like many people. Why would one girl make him lose his head?

Ichigo tilted his head into the rain and opened his eyes. He needed to find his hollow and talk to him.

Hichigo tried to calm his breathing and relax, but the tight feeling in his chest refused to leave his body. He repeatedly opened his clothes and checked for wounds that were not there. Where was this pain coming from? He felt empty in a way he hadn’t felt before. He felt the presence of his King and Zangetsu and something inside him throbbed, making him grind his teeth in aggravation. What the fuck was going on? He needed…he just needed something!

“Ichigo!!” He screamed suddenly, hoping that he had heard him. His fingers itched to touch his King; to wrap his hands around his Ichigo’s neck…make him hurt as much as he was. His vision blurred each time he thought of Ichigo’s face; so many emotions crashed through him. He couldn’t handle all of it – it was too much.


Just look at the state of you, babe
Snap out of it You're not listening to this


He was running before he heard the last syllable of his name; it had been yelled in a frantic tone – loud enough to be heard over the rain tapping against the glass. He leaped across the buildings, ignoring the slick surface, feeling the rain fall harder against his face.

He came upon a lone figure leaning against a wall - a stark white against the blue of his buildings and stormy skies. Hichigo raised his head to look at him and Ichigo’s heart ached. The hollow was in agony - Ichigo could see it all over his face. He had his arms wrapped around his torso in a protective manner and Ichigo wondered if he was hurt. The agonized face of his hollow soon changed to a glare and Ichigo felt his heart break a little more…he was truly losing him…he couldn’t let that happen.

He didn’t notice the quick movement through the sheets of rain, but he felt the icy hands that curled around his throat. The grip was sensual and deliberate but painful none-the-less. He felt the thin fingers flex around his neck, hesitating between an easy hold and a choking grip. Ichigo held perfectly still while his hollow wrestled with himself.

The harsh yellow in Hichigo’s eyes suddenly softened to a buttery color and his hands fell from his throat and landed on his chest, gripping the loose fabric.

“I hate you.” His hollow whispered without conviction, his eyes roaming over his face in a frantic pattern. Ichigo wrapped his fingers around Hichigo’s biceps and pulled him closer.

“Please tell me what’s wrong,” he pleaded with the figure in front of him. “Tell me what happened earlier.”

“I…I hate the way you make me feel. It hurts. Why does it hurt so much, King?!” Hichigo demanded, his body shaking in frustration.

“What hurts?” He inquired.
“Every inch of me hurts. I never felt this way before!” He yelled accusingly. “You’ve been using me…to make yourself feel better; to make me shut up and leave you alone, haven’t you? You have sex with me because…because...” he trailed off, his eyes growing wild with emotion and frustration. “I thought…for a moment…that you were mine. But you’re not mine; I am yours…to do with as you please. You were lonely and bored and you used me. Are you done with me yet!?”

Ichigo’s eyes were wide in disbelief and shock. His hollow thought that he was using him...for sex. He gripped the hollow’s arms tighter and crushed Hichigo’s body against his own. The hollow struggled in his arms for a moment and then collapsed against him, his hands curled tightly into his clothes.

“Fuck…it still hurts. Make it stop, King!” he snarled. “Make it stop, now!”
If you know what's good for me
Why would I be leaving you?
Ichigo ran his hands up Hichigo’s back and into his dripping hair, pulling his head to the side to speak into his ear.

“Your chest hurts, doesn’t it? It feels like someone is slowly ripping your heart out,” Ichigo softly said, attempting to calm his hollow. “That’s how I feel right now. When I think of us going back to the way we were, my heart aches…I don’t want to lose you like that.” Ichigo’s fingers curled tighter into the pale locks as he confessed to his hollow, feeling Hichigo go still against him, his breathing growing shallow.

“I haven’t been using you, I promise. I was lonely and bored, but now that I have you, I don’t want anyone else. I’m not sure about you but I don’t want to give this up…give you up.”

Ichigo slowly ran his nose from the shell of Hichigo’s ear down his cheekbone and to his pale blue lips and kissed him softly. Hichigo made a frantic noise and pulled him closer, his tongue pushing into Ichigo’s willing mouth. Ichigo’s hands carefully touched Hichigo’s face as they kissed, wiping the water out of his eyes and pushing his white hair off of his forehead. Hichigo quickly pulled back and looked at Ichigo with heavy eyes.
“But…you’ve been thinking it, I heard you. I bother you all the time and you just let me fuck you to shut me up…don’t lie, I heard you,” he declared, his eyes pleading with Ichigo to tell him he was wrong. God, tell me I’m wrong about you.

“Stop it!” Ichigo pleaded . “I like that you bother me…that you show up to be with me. I don’t have sex with you to shut you up! The look on your face afterward - you look so happy, quiet and satisfied…I love the way you look. Don’t you know…that I love you?”
“Love…what is that?” Hichigo asked quickly, sounding desperate for the answer.
“Love is…”Ichigo explained, his body growing aroused as he thought of all the things he loved about Hichigo. “Love is how we hold each other after sex. It’s how I can’t seem to kiss you deep enough…how I can’t get close enough to you. Love is how my heart seems to want to come out of my chest and crawl into yours. God…I want to keep you this close to me forever.” Ichigo spoke against his hollow’s cheek, pulling him flush against his body.
Ichigo felt his hollow frown and pulled back to look at him. The confused look on Hichigo’s face made him feel exposed and weak. What more could he possibly say to him to make him understand?
“I love…how you touched me…how you let me touch you. You were so soft and solid underneath me…” he said with hesitation.

“Tell me…please.” Ichigo urged him to continue.

“I thought you were just dealing with me…like a problem. I was…jealous of the woman and I…lost control when I heard what you were thinking. I don’t know what happened. I don’t care what everyone thinks of you…but I got so angry at her for wanting you. I wanted you to be mine, only mine.” Hichigo admitted, letting his head fall between his shoulders.

“I am yours.” Ichigo confirmed, lifting Hichigo’s chin and finding his bright eyes.
“Mine.” Hichigo stated with a satisfied grin. “I …love you.”

The rain had stopped.
He couldn’t seem to stop touching his King’s face – it was so soft and smooth. Ichigo kept kissing him and he couldn’t be more content. What had he been upset about? It all seemed irrelevant now that he was in his King’s arms, being held so gently – like he was wanted. The ache in his chest had vanished and was replaced with a blooming heat that spread throughout his body. He felt acceptance and, what did Ichigo call it…love. He was loved and he apparently loved Ichigo. Why was he feeling all of this? He knew he was a hollow…did all other hollow’s feel this way? He pulled away from his King’s mouth and asked the important question.

“Why do I feel this way? It used to not be this way.” He asked Ichigo. Ichigo’s eyes seemed to shine as he smiled sweetly at him, leaning down to lightly kiss him again.

“When I began to love you…I gave you some of my heart…heart that you didn’t have. That’s why you’re feeling all these things; you didn’t have the heart to feel like this before. So, please, take care of my heart, Hichigo.”

“I will, King.” He promised.



 ^^ Enjoy.
Current Mood: crappycrappy
hollow_love101hollow_love101 on October 4th, 2008 07:30 am (UTC)
Awww this was so cute!!! I love this chapter so much, I feel all fuzzy warm inside. ^^ Although I hate seeing the word END at the end of your fic. Does that mean that you're really done with this series? If so, I have loved it dearly, but if not, YAY!!! ^^ Please let me know.
Ruyuruyu on October 5th, 2008 09:56 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry to say that this is the end. But I hope to write some one-shots in near future. Not necessarily sequals, just add-on's, Does that make sense?

I'm glad you liked it, and thank you for helping me start this series. I've learned alot while writting this!

I hope I updated this quickly enough...I just can't seem write fast enough! >.
hollow_love101hollow_love101 on October 6th, 2008 02:12 am (UTC)
Aww that makes me sad that it's over...*sighs* Oh well, I'll get over it. And I do hope that you write some one shots as add-ons. ^^ If you ever need an idea for them, just ask me. ^^ Once again, I must say, you are my favorite writer. Thank you for writing this for me. ^^ <3
Queen of the Dirty Look: ShiroIchi bluemadrona_8 on October 4th, 2008 04:59 pm (UTC)
I love how much Hichigo hurts. Not that I want him to hurt, but that he is totally confused by what he's feeling because it's all new. That whole "what the hell is this feeling?"
I like the idea that he gets a heart by someone loving him. I like that it rains in the inner world because Hichigo now has a heart.
Poor Zan, now he's got two wangsty guys to deal with!
Ruyuruyu on October 5th, 2008 09:48 pm (UTC)
Thank You! Believe me, I hated how much I made him suffer, but it was necessary!

I was worried how people would react to me giving Hichigo a heart...too corny, perhaps.
Queen of the Dirty Lookmadrona_8 on October 5th, 2008 10:58 pm (UTC)
Well, actually it makes sense. Hollows attack the ones they love in an attempt to gain what they have lost. That's why they eat souls. So if Ichigo just gave him some instead, it would make their relationship more stable, and by definition, Hichigo more stable.
Salulisaluli on October 5th, 2008 09:35 pm (UTC)
Do you believe I dreamed today of what would happen?

I am very happy that Ichigo manage to reassure his hollow.

Do you plain to have a next song in this series?
Ruyuruyu on October 5th, 2008 09:45 pm (UTC)
Lol! I'm glad you liked it!

I've had mixed feelings about continuing this. So, I've decided to just write one-shots that are attatched to this series, but not sequals to it.
syrike on October 6th, 2008 02:52 pm (UTC)
Your fics about Hich!Ichi are great!
I like all your chapters! I’ll wait your update. :)
Ruyuruyu on October 6th, 2008 09:20 pm (UTC)
Thank You!
Eadwineeadwine63 on October 14th, 2008 11:48 am (UTC)
Oh My God.. that was sooooooo beautiful!! your writing is so good. It kinda makes me cry.(because it's so full of emotions, and also because I can't do that...)
I loved how you wrote Hichigo with a broken heart.
I loved the explanation of 'love'.
I loved everything about this.
I think this is you best chapter!
xxx Eadwine
Ruyuruyu on October 14th, 2008 12:19 pm (UTC)
Awwww... Thank you sweety. I'm glad you liked it! I think the emotions are the best part of a story. Thanks for reviewing!!!XD
drauph on March 29th, 2010 08:23 pm (UTC)
One of the best fics I've ever read in my life. Very moving, also (and quite sadly) you helped me find a song that describes how i feel and who i am right now perfectly. Amazing story, mad writing skills and a very unique style. I admire you as a writer very much, so keep writing and i'll keep reading, 'kay? Take care.
Ruyuruyu on March 29th, 2010 10:10 pm (UTC)
Aw. You flatter me. *blush*

You take care, as well. XD