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25 January 2009 @ 07:54 pm

My 6th semester of college is really starting to wear on me. It's only the third week of class and I don't want to deal with this shit anymore. The classes I take are not even part of my major. Argh! I can already tell that my Color Theory and Painting classes are going to be bitch this year.

The thing is: I can handle if I'm not doing well financially or if something is going bad with my life - it's doesn't really affect my schoolwork in any significant way. But if the reverse occurs, then it ruins the other aspects of my life. I THINK about school all the time and it gives me a headache. I can totally understand how people can drop during their final years of college.

My mind has been playing tricks on me and letting me wander back into places I'd rather not visit again. I thought I'd gotten over this shit...

I want to wake up and see the night, not the day
Slam my car door and not feel like I'm repeating myself
Hear a different voice in my ear when I look up from walking
Be in a different place when I walk through that door
Wish my fingers weren't so fucking cold
I wish all the lights would go out to see the stars
Come home and not feel like I'm visiting for the evening
Feel like someone acutally sees me - touches me, am I even real?

Do you see what I mean? I hate thinking like this. Meh.

Current Mood: confusedconfused
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